Ugh! I have literally been flipping out all day – and for the life of me I can’t pinpoint an exact cause.
Do you ever have moments in your life when a single thought continues to snowball into a thousand other little mini thoughts that have their own little thought babies and before you know it you’ve pretty much realised you’re a huge fuck-up and nothing you do is right and the world is ending!?
I frequent this part of thought-town. Anxiety is a real bitch! All of this today over the fact that I just can’t control everything. And that’s a BIG problem for me, as I struggle to delegate. I find that I say yes a lot – because it’s easier than letting someone else complete a task and do it wrong.
But – is it wrong? Or just done differently? This year I have been lucky enough to join a team with some fucking kick-ass women in it. Ya’ll know you who are – and I love yas! every day I learn a bit more about you all and today was no different. We were yacking away in the lunch room about debt and life and kids and stress etc – and one of these kick ass ladies says to me “Kim, who the fuck cares?”. And shes right! I am sitting here flipping shit over things that really mean nothing. Alex and I have purchased our own home, we have a roof over our heads, kids have food, warm clothes, and two parents who are killin themselves to give them bloody everything, so why the feck do I care so much how it looks to the outside world?
We bought an old house. It still looks like an old house despite our grand plans 12 months ago to have it look 100 times different to what it does now. But hell does life get in the way! We’ve changed jobs (me) had an extra kid, added an extra car, gone on holiday, bloody hell it gets expensive! And here I am losing my mind that we haven’t accomplished every single thing we discussed in the first year…
I’ve had to take a huge step back and reevaluate myself this year. The things that mattered a year ago sure as hell mean nothing now. Henry was injured, so things were delayed then. Alex is spending as much time as possible at Army Reserves to bring in what little extra we can. Its been tight. It’s been stressful and I needed to chill for a sec and take a look at what’s the priority right now.
And that’s SURVIVING. Right now we are in a shitty time for our region. We are worrying about all this garbage and its not the time to be putting energy to that. I have FINALLY started to see that my kids are at this awesome stage of their lives and I need to start looking AT them, not PAST them, and enjoy the little things.
I am happy right now to just live the day-to-day with the three ratbags and hubs. I’m happy to go to work and come home and have to lay-by shit for 6 months to pay for it because THAT’S LIFE RIGHT NOW. (Note to self – Big W has their Christmas lay-by on so get there quick and check that out!)
The simple fact is – I am happy with what I’ve got. And so we should be because it really is more than what some have.
Let’s get some perspective and enjoy what we have and stop living so far in the future.
Enjoy the now – the good and bad!
ps- family tax